Looking further behind
by Kitty Black Cat
Summary: Luna reflects on her best friend Ginevra and how people don't see everything about her, how first year still affects her. bad summary but please read.


**Disclaimer****:** Obviously, I do not own Harry Potter. How do I know? Well my name is not J.K. Rowling for one. Two, if it belonged to me would I be writing fanfictions? Actually...maybe. But if it belonged to me Harry and Ginny would never ever ever date.

**Author's Note:** This story is from Luna's point of view. She reflects on her best friend Ginevra at the end of their 4th year (Harry Potter book 5) though you could put it later on two. To be honest I have not read book 6 and 7, so don't expect anything canon. Actually, if some things don't fit with the Harry Potter universe, you can tell me but be nice about it. I DO NOT write my Harry Potter fics to accurately fit the canon. I've actually never had an idea for any fic that fit a canon to the T. Anyway, I hope you enjoy (and that someone reads this because I wasn't sure where to categorize it. Lol.) By the way, if someone dislikes the title then please suggest one because I'm really really bad at finding titles. Thanks 

**Special Thanks:** I had not planned to write this fic AT ALL. Actually, my Harry Potter muse had left me for quite some time and every time I tried to write something about Ginny, it would NOT come out. Then I read, "Serpent hiding in her eyes" from Virginia Riddle-Malfoy and all of a sudden, all of this came out of my brain! So big thanks to Virginia Riddle-Malfoy for inspiring me!

**Looking further behind**

To the outside world, Ginevra Weasley and I started talking in our 4th year. To the outside world, it was our common "friendship" with Harry Potter and our interest in the DA that brought us together. In reality, things are little more complicated than that. A little less black and white, and a little more grey. A little more like Ginevra. The first time I noticed her was in our first year. She stood apart from the other Gryffindors of our year. She was quieter and more isolated than the rest of them. I suppose what grabbed my attention was how all the Gryffindors entered as one group, chatting amongst themselves much like the Ravenclaws, except for Ginevra. She never entered with the others. She stood alone, forgotten in the shadows, much like myself. I never entered with the Ravenclaw pack either.

I think what made me notice her was that she was much like myself. Invisible. I had never minded. I was Loony Lovegood long before I entered Hogwarts. Children at pre-magic school had called me that for as long as I remember. I did not mind, though it would have been nice to have someone like Ginny with me in those years. Ginevra, at first, seemed preoccupied by her invisibility. Sadden. Dejected. I started sitting beside her in all of our classes. I would smile to her and make some comments once in a while. In the beginning, she would look at me surprised, as if she didn't expect someone to talk to her, but it quickly became a routine of ours. However, she never talked. She would nod or smile or even laugh a little sometimes, but she wouldn't speak. Ginevra liked writing. In every class, she would both take notes and write in her little black book. I did not know what she wrote in the black book. I didn't care; Ginny always smiled, laughed and radiated happiness more when she wrote in that book. It made her happy. Until the month of January, that is. Perhaps I should have cared about what she wrote. Perhaps, I should have worried more when she begged me with her large fearful eyes to stay away from her from now on. But I didn't. I've always taken things lightly. Insults and rejections don't hurt much if you accept them as being a normal part of human nature and move on. I did not sense hostility from Ginevra and simply respected her wishes from what they were. Perhaps, I should have worried more about the change in our relationship.

Ginny and I would always sit together, whether in class, in the Quidditch stands, on the grounds or in the library. At first, I would be the one to seek her out, but eventually she would seek me out too. Until January that is. She distanced herself and I accepted it. I thought she had made new friends. I was happy for her. It was about time the Gryffindors noticed her. But I didn't see her with them. Or with anyone else for that matter. Actually, I did not see Ginevra much in the last months of our first year. She even missed classes. But she was usually so quiet that I don't think teachers noticed much. I did. But I did not worry. At all. Ginevra was not there, but I was sure everything was fine. Sometimes, my peacefulness and my positive attitude have a bad consequences. I wish I had worried. Perhaps I could have helped her. To this day, I do not know exactly what happened. Our first year is a very touchy subject with Ginevra. Ooooooh people don't know it. People might not even remember it. But I can see it in her eyes. It's the little things with Ginevra that tell you the truth. Unfortunately, most people are not good with little things. In our first year, Ginevra was taken by the heir of Slytherin in the chamber itself. A chamber where a monster resided. To this day, I do not know what happened in that chamber. But this time, I cared. I've always wondered if anyone else did.

Ginevra did not speak about the chamber when she came back to me. Of course, she had never really spoken much to me, so I didn't expect her to. I wished to know, but our relationship was not one with words. It was one where the other's presence was all that was needed. Even today, Ginny and I don't need words to understand each other. It's all in our eyes. I would not mind not knowing what happened in our first year if someone else seemed to know exactly what happened. Alas, I don't think Ginny said anything to anyone. It's just...something my gut tells me. That she kept everything inside. That is never a good thing and if you look at Ginevra, really look at her, you can see why. It eats her up inside and nobody notices. I wish her brothers would talk to her. I wish Harry would talk to her. He was down there wasn't he? Certainly he knows things that I don't and that could hint to what Ginny went through. Yet, I think he never really wondered. "He forgot" that's what Ginny told me once: "He forgot". Her voice was cold...really cold. The kind of voice that chills you to the core. The kind of voice that's laced with bitterness and anger and sadness. The kind of voice I wish I didn't have to hear from my best friend. I didn't have to ask what 'he' forgot, nor who 'he' was. It quickly became clear in our second year that her brothers had forgotten. The only one there was hope for was Harry. The one of all people who, maybe, could understand. But he forgot. They all did. Because they don't know how to look.

It's that cold, calculating gaze that Ginny sometimes get. It's that jaw and fists clench when her brothers dares to think she's too young or innocent or Ginny to understand. It's how her lips thighten and twich in an effort to contain her laughter when Malfoy persecutes her brother. It's the humming of 'Weasley is our king' when we go feed Thestrals together. It's all those fake smiles that she has sported since the very end of our first year. It's how she forces herself to talk and to laugh with everyone and anyone. It's the tremble of her hands and the widening of her eyes when 'You-know-who' or the chamber is mentioned. It's that fear in her eyes whenever the DADA teacher of that year reminds her that she has yet to face her boggart. It's that disgusted look similar to Malfoy's. It's how her eyes seem totally empty at times, how she goes in her own little world and doesn't snap out of it by herself. It's the hissing sounds I hear from her from time to time. It's all those things that tell me that whatever happened in our first year is not completely over. It's those things that tell me she has yet to fully move on. Those things that tell me that nobody around Ginevra really knows her.

It's also that searching look in the opposite direction of where the Thestrals are, when we want to use them to get to the Ministry of Magic. That searching look identical to Ronald's, who cannot see Thestrals. That searching look that everyone present had found normal. It's that searching look more than everything else that tells me no one has any idea what truly happened to her in first year. Because she CAN see Thestrals. On the first day of our second year, she looked right into a Thestral eyes and touch its head. She said, "I have never seen one of these before" and I replied "It's a Thestral". I did not tell her that only people who have seen death could see them. I did not push her to reveal the reason why she sees them. Maybe I should have. It's that awful pain in her eyes when she hugs me tight enough for me to stop breathing. That pain she seems so lost into. The pain and darkness she has been swimming in since our second year; always fighting against it but never winning. That darkness that I've seen more and more since the end of third year. My best friend is a tormented soul. She screams and cries behind her eyes but no one hears her. No one sees it. And they all let her perish in that horrible inner battle. She needs to talk. I'm there to listen, but somehow I think it may be too late. I think what she really needed was to talk about it right away, but no one wanted to really listen. Or maybe she never wanted to talk.

To the outside world, Ginevra Weasley and I started talking in our 4th year. To the outside world, it was our common "friendship" with Harry Potter and our interest in the DA that brought us together, that made us friend. In reality, things are more complicated. Ginevra and I have started talking in public in our 4th year, but she has been my best friend since 1st. Our friendship has always been a quiet one. We don't need to talk to undertand each other. We don't push each other into unwanted path. We simply live and let the other live. Our friendship has always been a quiet, peaceful one...and I think it's time it changes. I never forced Ginevra into talking or into doing anything. I was always there to listen but never pushed to hear her confidences. I've always quietly observed and imagine the best. My positive attitude sometimes has negative consequences: I've let my best friend slowly destroy herself thinking that time will make everything all right. Our friendship has always been a quiet one...tonight that will change. She can scream or fight or stop talking to me. She can laugh and say I'm imagining things. She can broke up our friendship and hate me over this. But tonight, I'm forcing her to talk. Our friendship has alway been a quiet one...and the most important thing in my life. And tonight I'm ready to pay every price on earth to make Ginny to talk, because Ginevra is the most important thing to me. And if she doesn't talk, in time, there will be nothing left of my best friend. There will be only different masks and lies and eternal darkness will settle in her heart and in her eyes.

THE END

**Author's note: **Hey everyone! Hope you liked it! Please take the time to review if you liked it. Reviews are nice because it tells you that people actually read your fic (is there another way to know if people read your fic?) Anyway, DON'T FLAME. I don't do it to you, so don't do it to me. You can point out grammar mistakes (English is my second language and I'm always ready to learn more) because I do too (mostly in French fics 'cause it's easier to correct your first language) but be polite about it. BIG THANK YOU FOR READING!


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